Monday, August 29, 2011

Why infertility and the movies don't mix.

Daniel and I had a fabbbulous date night. We saw The Help  (it was superb) and I cried. I cried before the movie even began. Let me tell you why.

It began with this trailer for the Odd Life of Timothy Green. The movie is about an infertile couple who writes down all of their hopes and dreams for a child and buries it in their yard..through Disney magic a kid comes up covered in dirt calling Jennifer Garner, mom. Does the movie look good? Not really, but the trailer did make me bawl. I was touched as I watched the yearning couple write down their wishes for a child they thought would never be. 

I have to tell you that as an 'Infertile Myrtle' I had grown to be wary of the movie theatre. There is nothing worse than trying to take a breath of fresh air by having a semi-romantic date night at the movies, and then being slapped in the face with sorrow on the big screen. I was a very bad date for a very long time. Honestly, we stopped going to the movies all-together.

Although I loved The Help, The movie might be difficult for someone who is struggling to conceive. There is a pervasive theme of disinterested and detached mothers, and it contained a poignant story of a woman struggling with sequential miscarriages as well as a semi-graphic miscarriage scene. This made me think of all the other movies that I saw, and bummed me out while trying to conceive.

Let's outline the worst movies to see as someone struggling to conceive: 
Julie and Julia- Julia can't have children, but discovers her sister is pregnant. This is SUPER fun see when this exact situation is currently in full-swing in your life. 
Up- Even the cute little animated couple can't have children and return from the hospital to an empty nursery.Thanks a lot Pixar. 
Ice-Age3- The stupid mammoths are pregnant, and their friend, Sid is jealous of them. Awesome. 

Tonight when I saw the little preview and then the movie itself, it made me reflect back on the deep longing to have a family, so I cried.  Then, I realized that this was first time my entire night wasn't ruined by yet another movie reference to infertility, so I cried even more. First I was crying sad tears, then I was crying happy tears! Daniel was confused, but he held my hand.

Tears of victory. Tears of thankfulness. Hallelujah.

Lots of love,


  1. I have to say, Lindsey, you and your faith are amazing to me. I know how your heart must have been breaking in that trying time in your life before your baby girl was on the way, but I also know the strength that you have in God and how that with His love got you through. I'm so happy for you that He brought you your heart's desire.

  2. Lindsay, I feel the same way. The Help was a great movie, but when she was shoveling out dirt to bury that little box, I felt like someone had poured boiling water down my chest. It was extremely intense - maybe just a little too real. And I noticed lots of women in the room losing it too, maybe for the same reason. Because of the suicide in my family, I felt the same way about Seven. I warned my entire family away from it because of the trauma of seeing it unprepared myself! -Camille Parker Grow

  3. Tamara- Thanks for your encouraging words. Trying to conceive was actually the biggest test of faith that I have ever experienced. I found a God that I did not meet in Sunday-school. I'm sure I'll write more about this sometime.

    Camille- I felt the same way about that scene. I know that screenwriters are trying to capture reality, but it's not so fun to re-live when it has actually been your own reality. You can always review movies prior to seeing them at, although it does usually spoil the plot.

  4. I've never struggled with infertility, but I often felt the same way at the movies when my husband was deployed. All the couples were so flipping happy and taking each other for I usually went to the movies with couples so that made it even worse. Not comparing the two things, but I know how the movies can make sadness even more difficult.

  5. Well said post!! There have been more movies than I can list that I have cried through at the theater or turned off midway at home. Thanks for sharing your heart!!

  6. I'm so glad I read this! My best friend lives about 5 miles away from me but we don't see/talk very much, just because of how busy we are. She's new mommy and I've learned to allow myself the freedom to choose when I want to be around her and her baby. I love them both to pieces but sometimes I know I can't handle it.
    She asked me if I wanted to go see The Help with her yesterday after I got off work. I told her I wouldn't be able to go because I read your post a few weeks ago and I choose not to knowingly put myself in an uncomfortable position. Selfish, yes. Necessary, YES.

  7. It's not selfish to guard your own heart; you are setting wise boundaries! Good choice.

  8. Try the British Movie "Maybe Baby". I follows a infertile couples realistic struggles and matches my husband and I to a T. Including "Mr. Bean" as the RE.