I had my first scary mom moment last week. I decided to spray-paint the furnace with chalkboard paint, so I put Selah in her room at the back of our house, with the door shut, because I didn't want to expose her to any of the paint fumes.
I proceeded to quickly paint the furnace, and then went to get Selah. I was alarmed when I opened the door to her room, because it smelled like spray paint. What I didn't realize when I started painting, was that the air-conditioner intake vent was actually in the same room where I was painting...blowing those nice fumes directly into her room.
My head started spinning. All I could think of was that I needed to get her out of the house. So, I threw her in the car-seat and started driving. (It was 108 degrees outside, so we couldn't just hang around outside.) Of course, I called my mom, and I started bawling.
My mom told me not to worry, that Selah was fine, and that she was only in there a very short period of time. She even reminded me of the time that she had once left my sister in the hot car for a few minutes. Later, my sister (she survived) told me not to worry, that her daughter had actually eaten paint not too long ago. These stories made me feel a little better, but this incident made me realize that it's scary to love someone so much.
I just want to protect my baby from everything dirty, bad, sad,evil, and painful.
When I walked into that room, it scared me to know that despite my best intentions, I didn't protect her fully. I worried that those little particles floating through the air would make her get sick. I saw the room full of carcinogenic little monsters that I wanted away from my baby. I wish that was the only time I've worried about such things, but I worry about the same thing as I peel the fruit that she eats, and I spray 'green' cleaner on the kitchen table, and I avoid feeding her from plastic containers. It can be overwhelmingly scary sometimes.
I pray for her. I offensively pray for her. I habitually pray for her. That her joyful spirit would persevere throughout trials, that her confidence would come from intimate knowledge of her Creator, that her peace would be power, and that any plan of the enemy would be cut off in the name of Jesus Christ.
Then I can breathe again, then the air feels clean.
Lots of love,