I started this blog because I truly felt a prompting from the Lord to do so. I've shared about my little girl, our struggles with infertility, general craftiness, silly little tidbits about me, and little bit of my home...
But what you might not know about me is I tend to be introverted, I worry about what people think of me, I easily isolate myself in a world of creativity, and I can tend to be an over-analyzer, with, more often than not, a script of previous conversations running through my head. So, I was struck yesterday when I read this quote by Bill Johnson:
'If we don't live by the praises of men, then we won't die by their criticism.'
Guess what? Jesus said the same thing about the Pharisees. THE PHARISEES. Sheesh. I hate it when I am convicted of being like those proud, bearded, old-guys.
John 12:43 says, "They COLLECTED the praises of men of men in their hearts more than the approval of God."
Yikes. The fear of God washed over me as I read this. Conviction set in. My heart is amassing it's own curio case of self-identity based on the opinions of others.
I know this is happening. I can feel it. Because I've lived with myself for a good while now, I've learned to stop and investigate myself in that moment when I feel a little funky, but I'm not sure exactly why. Lately, I've discovered these little moments are caused by feeling the heaviness of criticisms from others, or from worrying what people think about me.
Sin is sneaky. This is worshiping the words and opinions of others, just in a different way. I think it's so interesting that a quiet, introvert can have the same heart-struggles as the loud Pharisees. I discovered am a Pharisee on the inside.
I feel secure in my identity in Jesus (when I am with Jesus); I just need for Jesus to teach my heart that this identity is the same identity that I have with other people as well.
1 Corinthians 9:1 says "Am I not free? Am I not an apostle of the Lord?.."
I am free, and I'm ready to feel free.
Lots of love,