*This is not intended to be a criticism of others, but rather the thoughts of a former 'Infertile Myrtle.'*
April Fools Day.
I love a good prank as much as the rest of you.
I know it's just the stage of life that most of us are in -- pregnancies being announced left and right. I know that I am overly sensitive about this area -- and that there is no ill intent meant. However, this year there seemed to be an abundance of :
Haha. I made you think that there was a little life growing inside of me, that millions upon millions of cells were rapidly dividing and forming a human being in the most mysterious of processes.
But not really.
I'm just kidding.
Do you know how many years I longed for your April Fools Day? For one day to be able to announce to my family, friends, and yes, Facebook, that I was pregnant? I fantasized about living within this date, April 1rst-- the lowliest of holidays. I used more pee-sticks than any woman ever should. I didn't see two pink lines for years and years and years. And when I finally did, I almost fell right over. I thought I was hallucinating.
I know everyone's story is different. I know that you don't think pregnancy is actually a joke. I just want you to understand that even having the ability to joke about conceiving is a blessing. Sometimes I think back and remember when I too had that unadulterated attitude. I laugh when I think of how concerned I was to avoid pregnancy during the first part of our marriage--and the last part of my education.
It's just not funny to me anymore. Pregnancy was the most sacred of divine interventions in my life. It was the answer to what felt like one-thousand-million prayers, spilled tears, and anguishing nights spent dreaming of the day that there would be a baby in my womb.
You see, when you are struggling with the journey called infertility, life seems to move in slow motion. Every birthday and holiday-- Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day.... is somehow transformed into a reminder of another missed opportunity to share your much anticipated exciting news. You think, 'Maybe this month ?.. It'd be perfect. I'd just tell everyone on ____."
So, when I saw your joke, I didn't laugh.
I'm not mad.
I'm not being judgmental.
I just have a different perspective -- one that happens to be shared by 7.3 million other women in America.
Lots of love,