Monday, April 2, 2012

Sometimes it still hurts.

*This is not intended to be a criticism of others, but rather the thoughts of a former 'Infertile Myrtle.'*

April Fools Day. 
hilarious. 
I love a good prank as much as the rest of you. 

Last year, I called Daniel, whose career is in finance, and told him that we were being audited by the IRS. Chaos ensued. He asked if my dad knew of a good attorney. I laughed my boooty off. He was less amused.

I know it's just the stage of life that most of us are in -- pregnancies being announced left and right. I know that I am overly sensitive about this area -- and that there is no ill intent meant. However, this year there seemed to be an abundance of :

I'M PREGNANT!
just kidding. 
APRIL FOOLS...

Haha. I made you think that there was a little life growing inside of me, that millions upon millions of cells were rapidly dividing and forming a human being in the most mysterious of processes.

But not really. 
I'm just kidding. 
April Fools.

Do you know how many years I longed for your April Fools Day? For one day to be able to announce to my family, friends, and yes, Facebook, that I was pregnant? I fantasized about living within this date, April 1rst-- the lowliest of holidays. I used more pee-sticks than any woman ever should. I didn't see two pink lines for years and years and years. And when I finally did, I almost fell right over. I thought I was hallucinating. 

I know everyone's story is different. I know that you don't think pregnancy is actually a joke. I just want you to understand that even having the ability to joke about conceiving is a blessing. Sometimes I think back and remember when I too had that unadulterated attitude. I laugh when I think of how concerned I was to avoid pregnancy during the first part of our marriage--and the last part of my education. 

It's just not funny to me anymore. Pregnancy was the most sacred of divine interventions in my life. It was the answer to what felt like one-thousand-million prayers, spilled tears, and anguishing nights spent dreaming of the day that there would be a baby in my womb.

You see, when you are struggling with the journey called infertility, life seems to move in slow motion. Every birthday and holiday-- Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day.... is somehow transformed into a reminder of another missed opportunity to share your much anticipated exciting news. You think, 'Maybe this month ?.. It'd be perfect. I'd just tell everyone on ____." 

So, when I saw your joke, I didn't laugh. 
I'm not mad. 
I'm not being judgmental. 
I just have a different perspective -- one that happens to be shared by 7.3 million other women in America.

Lots of love,
Lindsey 

42 comments:

  1. I completely agree that that is not a good or appropriate April Fools Joke. I dont know why SO many people do that! I've only been married a few months and not pregnant yet but the first tell I get to say those words I dont want it to be a joke! :)

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  2. I agree. Those kinds of jokes can be very distasteful.

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  3. i totally get you lindsey. i too have struggled for years with infertility still do to this day. and i feel the same way. we were so richly blessed with our little man 6 yrs ago, but the yearning for more is always there. it hurts when you hear this or someone says, you're so lucky he's at that age where you can do what you want he just needs your supervision. how i long for "being tied down" or to hear "needs grunted and to try a gazillion things till i figure out what the grunt meant" sweet hugs!

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  4. I love this post... So true, I was sad to see the 50 people that posted it on facebook as a "Joke", when all of their friends and family are so happy for them and excited.. It is kind of rude and I didn't even look at it from your perspective.. what ever happen to seran wrapping the toilet and food coloring in the milk or something right?!! xo pretty girl!!

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  5. Thank you for posting this. My thoughts exactly, especially when one person I know posted that their partner was preggo with twins and I was thinking... and I can't even have one??? It's not funny. It's really not funny. I'm very sensitive about the whole issue, especially advice regarding when to have children and jokes about being better off without them. Again, thank you.
    http://one-girl-vs-world.blogspot.com

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  6. very well written friend and I am happy you posted it. I was thinking the same thing when I saw the "pranks" yesterday".

    I am so so so happy that this year is no joke, your an amazing mom to the sweetest little girl

    ps a funny april fools prank turned bad, back when I used to work at McLean Bible Church, I went to Sams club and bought a whole bunch of tin foil and wrapped one of my co-workers cube in tin foil, no kidding the job took me and my friends 5 hours (we wrapped up each individual paper clip, dollar bill, book ect) I had no idea that this person was pretty OCD about the organization of their desk so they totally flipped when they came into work the next day and wouldn't talk to me for a week. So I don't really pull pranks anymore, you never ever know how sensitive someone could be to a prank, their background or what type of day they are having.
    xoxo

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    1. oops! I love pranks too, but I'm always nervous to make people too upset. This means I usually just prank my family ;)

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  7. Great post! Thank you for putting this out there!

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  8. I don't blame you at all for feeling this way. I have a lot of friends struggling with infertility, which is why it breaks my heart to see people joking on Facebook or even complaining about how miserable pregnancy is. I've never gone through infertility myself, but seriously?! Be careful what you say, internets!

    And aside from being potentially hurtful, the "pregnant" thing isn't even funny. It's obnoxious.

    Rob knows me well enough to not even try an April Fool's joke. Perhaps sadly, I have no sense of humor when it comes to pranks or someone jumping out and scaring me. Yeah, yeah, I'm a crank.

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  9. Wow, thank you so much for sharing your perspective and your heart! I've never even thought of it from that point of view and it's such a good reminder that we have to be careful of other's feelings, even in what we might deem to be "harmless" jokes.

    Love,
    Lizzy

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  10. Thank you for posting this. Not only did you express yourself so eloquently but ou also spoke out for those of us who for one reason or another cannot "hit" publish when they pour our their feelings in a post on this sensitive topic. Thank you.

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  11. Ditto. Thank you for sharing your heart. This is exactly how I feel and think being an infertile myrtle too.

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  12. Goodness. How about you just take a joke? You act like your problems need to be the center of everyone else's universe. Take a chill pill. There are worse things in the world that not being able to have a freaking baby.

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    1. Maybe there are worse things in the 'world' but this little blog is about my world.

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    2. Nice comeback Lindsey, If Anonymous didn't want to know about your universe, then maybe they should have stayed off your blog!
      Tonya

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  13. Finally, someone said exactly what I was thinking. Stop being such a whiney baby about your poor little circumstances. You have a baby for crying out loud. Go make a scrapbook or something instead of trying to embarrass other non-malicious people.

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    1. 1)It is not my intention or desire to embarrass anyone
      2)I'm really not a fan of scrapbooking. I just don't have the patience for it.

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  14. don't you love it when "anonymous" people write negative comments on blogs? if you don't agree with something at least have the guts to put your name on your comment:o)...
    well said lindsay. i loved this post and am watching and praying fervently for a few of my friends go through the painful journey you were on. we should all be more sensitive and gain a little perspective and a larger worldview from people like you. love you girl!

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  15. I am with you! I also used to dream the day I was going to announced that I was pregnant!!! and when that day finally came and I saw those 2 lines I literaly felt on my knees at the bathroom that day!!! The Lord gave me Caleb! my blessing! only one-that's it's I didn't have more babies-only the Lord knows why-but, happy with my only one!

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  16. Thank you for sharing this. Even though I don't really know you, I know it came from a deep place in your heart because infertility affects you to the very core of your being. Even after you've had a child, the pain isn't completely gone. I've been there too, and am so thankful for the tiny gift God granted us. Now when I see things like what you're talking about, I don't hurt for myself so much but for the millions of other women actively dealing with infertility. More people need to know about this usually silent struggle for so many!

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  17. Just wanted to say that I love you and appreciate you. <3

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  18. We don’t really participate in April Fool’s Day. Typically the jokes really aren’t funny, and are often hurtful. I’m so sorry to hear of your struggle; and hope that the pain heals a little more each year.

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  19. I know exactly what you mean. It was hard for me to see several of my friends announce their pregnancies on Facebook and then turn around and complain about the whole thing -- that being said, I know that pregnancy is not fun -- and that is exactly why I never shared that I was pregnant on Facebook -- because I didn't want to put others through the same thing that I went through...also, it's just incredibly annoying to read about someone's pregnancy or baby every day. The thing that I did announce was the birth of my baby boy...on April Fools. Many people thought it was a joke, but it was not. I'm not someone to set up that elaborate of a joke. Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)

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